Monday, Feb. 14, 2005 - 7:25 p.m.

I want to be so beautiful, it could make you cry...

I've never been the beautiful girl. I've been the "fun" girl or the "brooding" girl or the "smart" girl, but beautiful has never been an adjective used by others to describe me. I've been told I'm a beautiful person, but it wasn't meant about my looks. Even when I was thin and in shape, I was "pretty." The "pretty" girl with the big tits. And I learned to accept it. But lately, it hasn't been enough... the acceptance. The "comments" can kinda wear away at you. The comments about my ass... (I don't care if you think a big butt is sexy, I'm fucking white, my ass shouldn't be a goddamn shelf.) The comments about my breasts... (they're big, we'll leave it at that). I'm an adult, shouldn't the name calling have stopped by now? The jeers, the snickers? Just who do you think you are, Little Frat boy, that you think you can look at me and just burst out laughing?? Fuck You!! And when I told you, "Fuck You! Get the fuck out from in front of my counter, right now!" Why did you look shocked?? Did you think I'd just stand there and let you make fun of me? That I'd lower my head in shame, and help serve your pretentious ass? Is that what you're used to? The people you make fun of, just taking it and walking away? I'm sorry, No! And don't think your apology counted for dick! If you were really sorry, you wouldn't have done it in the first place. How could you even have tried to apologize? You stupid fuck! I hope you get syphilis and your dick falls off... because all that matters to me is that the man I'm with now loves everything about me, even if I don't. So when you're all alone and by yourself and can't understand why you have no one "real" in your life... Just think of the way you laughed at me and it will explain it all. You'll never have anyone meaningful in your life and it's what you deserve! You cocksucker!

But anyway... on to happier things... my friends that like me, big butt and all.
I've been wanting to post more pictures, so, when my good friend of five years, TZ, came by work today and showed me pictures of a beauty pageant his friend was in, and some other fun stuff, I had the perfect opportunity to post away. Not without his permission first of course!!! So here is the most beautiful man on the face of the planet: TZ.(We should all look so glamorous) Damn him for being so beautiful, hehehe.

TZ at the pageant. I wish I could look so beautiful!