Friday, Apr. 01, 2005 - 11:16 p.m.

The icing on the cake...

We got paid today. And guess who gets paid $100.00 more a week than me? The one and only uber manager. The one who I was told was my equal... Just here to help me out... Take the burden off of a few things I try to do each week by myself... Well, guess what. That isn't what's happening. Its rather ironic I think. Or else I'm just plain stupid. This is the second fucking time they've done this to me! Brought in someone else, supposedly more qualified, paid them more, and made me play baby-sitter. So, I guess I'll just sit back and watch it happen all over again. Am I doomed to repeat this again?

My Mom really wants me to move back home, literally. She wants me to live in her and my stepdad's house because they just bought a new one. We're supposed to have a phone conversation in the next few days to determine exactly what is going to happen. I've already told her I have zero money and am basically stuck in this hell hole. She just said, "We'll talk." Her idea of moving, is packing up a few things in the car and driving back to Colorado. That IS NOT going to happen. I am not starting all over again! I've already done it two times. California to Colorado (with 3 suitcases, stuffed full of 18 years of my life) and then Colorado to Rhode Island (with no bed, no dresser, no furniture... just my computer, my aquarium, my clothes and my cats) I'm not doing that again!!!! I've amassed too many nice things and don't have the money to just buy all new things anyway, like she's suggesting. I'm not sleeping on couch cushions on the floor until I can afford a new bed, like I did when I first moved to Rhode Island. Besides, I'll feel beholden to her. Like I owe her... like the place I'm living will never feel like my own. BUT, and that's a big but, it would be so nice to be back home! So, I have to stop overanalyzing everything and just wait until we actually talk. Maybe it won't be so bad.

God, I've got to stop being such a pessimist!