Wednesday, August 28, 2002 - 10:18 a.m.

Sometimes I think about sewing my eyes and ears shut, just to get a break from this constant barrage of stupidity that attacks me. I think it'd be nice to take a break in the quiet emptiness inside my head... but eventually the stupidity would see through my clever ruse and find a way to sneak back inside my head. But how would it get back in? Maybe it would try to crawl in my mouth while I was asleep.

But since sleep evades me on a constant basis, I guess this fear goes unwarranted. I just have to find a way to attack back. Who cares if I piss someone off. I'm not on this planet to please everyone. Only me... and maybe the little furry creatures that allow me to co-inhabit their space.

But sometimes, even they aren't happy, so here I am, back to square one. Alone in the dark, trying desperately to hide from the "Out There" and all the zombies who wander the streets and hallways, looking for the living, so they can feast on their hope.

What good ever comes from venturing into the "Out There?" Maybe a little bit of fresh air, but hell, I can open a window. All I am confronted with when I leave my comfort zone is stupidity and hatred. Oh don't forget the unquenchable ignorance that bombards my senses. The ignorance that eats at my heart and crushes my spirit. Give me time, and I'll be just like you. I'm still soft and naive, it'll take awhile, but its working. Your un-trust and lack of compassion is reaching its goal -straight into my soul.

Soul... Sometimes that word makes me chuckle. I can still remember when I thought I might have had one. Some intangible protection, my invisible security blanket. But now, security is a four letter word. How could anything intangible protect me from all of you and your viscous attacks?

And the attacks are so inane, but cut so deep. They crush me to my core. Its heinous that you can cut and bite in one foul swoop. The pen is mightier than the sword, but the tongue cuts twice as deep. Who cares what color my skin is! Who cares what color your skin is! Who cares that you have more money!! Don't thrust your bitterness into my happy little bubble! Oh yeah, I'm happy! Its bursting out my ass!