Sunday, Sept. 22, 2002 - 12:31 p.m.

My body is falling apart...

I didn't go to work today. I think this is the first time I've called out sick in over a year. I hate being sick. I am mad at my body for doing this. Its something I can't control, so it makes me angry. If I think about it, I didn't even call out, my DH told me she'd work for me today, at work yesterday, when I started hacking up parts of my lungs. Yes, I smoke, and yes, that's probably why I'm losing vital lung tissue, but its my back that's killing me right now. I can't stand up straight, and it hurts to sit too long. I slept all of "0" hours last night, because I couldn't get comfortable. I feel so old. Its the first time I've actually felt old.

I worked all last night hunched over in pain, like some little old lady, and the pregnant girl there told me she understood my pain. That would be reassuring, IF I were pregnant. But I'm not, and I have no clue what I did to make my back feel this way. Work started with no pain, just these damn flu symptoms, but after about 45 minutes, my back started to ache, by the end of the first few hours, I was almost in tears. I worked my 12pm to 11pm shift, gritting my teeth through the pain, hoping that a good nights sleep would work out any sore, overtaxed muscles. But no, I am even more stiff this morning, from tossing and turning and waking myself from the half sleep I almost got last night. I think I might have to go to the doctor's.

And I NEVER go to the doctor's if I don't have to.

I hate the doctor's...