Tuesday, Oct. 01, 2002 - 11:58p.m.

Waiting for a phone call that never came...

My brother hasn't called in two weeks. He usually calls every Tuesday, around 10:30pm. He can't call after midnight, so I guess he's not calling again tonight. He has to call collect because he's in prison, and, therefore, I can't call him. I wasn't too worried last week, because he had just gotten a new job and was working a lot of hours. But this week, I was hoping he'd have a little time to call, to fill me in on everything he'd been doing the past two weeks. Not that its all that much or even very exciting, but I need to hear his voice to know that he's OK. Even when he writes me letters, it takes over 5 days to get to me, and most of what's been written is over a week old anyway. So, I rely on these phone calls to know he is doing well. I've only seen him once in the past three years, but it was for 3 days straight, which was nice. I got special visitation, because I was from out of state. I've been mailing him my Diaryland entries, since its already written and its easier for him to read everything going on with me, rather then cram a week worth of information into 15 minutes, which is all he's allowed on the phone at one time. He was 22 when he was sent to prison. He'll be there for a VERY long time. I'm still not sure of what his actually sentence was, something about aggravated assault or something. I think they even tried to get an attempted murder charge in there, but it was dismissed. I was very angry with my brother for quite some time. It was very difficult to go see him in jail, while he was awaiting trial. None of us could afford bail, my mom would have had to mortgage her house, so he stayed in jail. I eventually went, with my older sister, and I tried so hard not to cry, but I did, and so did he. You see, he's my brother. No matter what he's done or where he is, he'll always be my brother. And I love him. I've forgiven him, but I do think he is where he deserves to be. He committed a crime and must pay for it. And he is. Every second of the day, he is paying for it. I told a friend that he hadn't called in a couple weeks and I was worried. Her response was, "maybe he found a girlfriend" I looked at her and just said, "NOT funny!" That's what a lot of people don't understand. Prison is not a joking matter, crime is not a joking matter, Family member's that have been taken away for 58 years, is not a joking matter... I guess if you have no experience with the situation it seems OK to say flippant things before you think, but remember, 24 year old little boys are killed in prison everyday, for a watch or a pair of new shoes. So, people, be sensitive to a sensitive situation, and don't judge other family members, they are not responsible for their other family member's actions.